Directions
June 9, 2008 – 12:29 pmI find myself less interested in reviewing technical books than I was a couple of years ago, and I think I have figured out why. I used to write a lot of code: for my job, for books I was working on, for open source projects, and occasionally for non-profits or friends. I enjoyed it, and was always looking for new ideas or technologies that would make my life easier and my apps sparkle.
But that was then, and this is now. Now, I write grant applications and curmudgeonly articles, not code. My only involvement with the stuff I used to care so much about is steering student projects, and even that is getting harder to pull off—I’ve fallen so far out of touch with today’s technologies (and the details of the projects I am supposed to be supervising) that I embarrass myself through ignorance with ever-increasing frequency.
I tried for a while to change my reading material to match the change in my role. Project management, software development processes, software architecture—I’ve read and reviewed a fair few books in these areas since 2005, but none of them have really stirred my soul. That’s partly because “soft” topics are much harder to teach in print than technology, but also because deep down, my heart’s not in it. I don’t want to be one of those slightly-out-of-touch managers I sneered at when I had one eyebrow dyed red and saw Stop Making Sense a dozen times in three months. I want to build things, dammit: elegant, useful things that do their job so well nobody really notices they’re there.
So what should I do? Find a job where I can get my hands into code again? Resign myself to sitting on the beach and watching the young punks surf the waves I used to ride? The first would be difficult: I’m not sure I’d add enough value to justify the salary I need to feed my mortgage without taking more time away from family than I’m willing to. But the second rankles. Cabinet makers and goldsmiths and other skilled artisans don’t have to give up their craft as they get older; why should I?
In thirty-five minutes, I’ll deliver my “HPC Considered Harmful” talk to HPCS’08 in Quebec City. This time tomorrow, I’ll be back at my desk in Toronto, revising yet another grant application, and wishing that I really, truly understood DrProject’s internals. In between I’ll spend some time with my wife, and feed my daughter breakfast. It’s a good life, really—I have so much more than I ever expected to. But some time in the next few days I’m going to look at the books on my shelf and wish I was knee deep in something that would give me a reason to read one line by line and cover to cover.
Later: Scientific American reports that blogging is therapeutic. Huh—who knew?
7 Responses to “Directions”
That’s it. I’m 37 and I’m still writing code. Few years ago I told myself I’m gonna leave coding when I’m 40, but I cann’t see any satisfactory job I could do after all these years in hot of developer’s room. Project management is specifically the thing I do not want to do.
So, what now? I gues I’ll be writing code for any foreseeable future.
By zgoda on Jun 9, 2008
Greg, I have a sort of not at all similar position
But I’ve thought about the same kind of problem space for a couple of years now.
Not being an academic, my option was to turn into a garden gnome being surprisingly old and good for nothing. That kind of future cranked up my mid-life crisis engines (If I only get 60-70 years old, who knows? :).
And at the same time I fell in love with a silly, disreputable language called JavaScript. Shortly after that I found Dojo, and got an epiphany (Don’t use server-side web frameworks).
So, I’m knee-deep in code every day; For my client, for my friends, for voluntary work and some interesting side-projects, and a book, and so on. I even finish stuff sometimes, leaving mile-long wreckage along most of the time. It feels a bit like batman - the dark knight. Minus cape, strength and cunning
So, I appreciate your position - sort of, I think. My recommendation would be to try to pick up something that you really, really like but feel constrained by fashion or context to dig into. Who knows, it might be cool again soon, just like JS
Cheers,
PS
By Peter on Jun 9, 2008
The good idea might be to inventorize available 65 y.o. professors and get heads-up from those of them whose lifestyle you like - what makes them tick
By Serguei on Jun 9, 2008
I think its very important to keep your hands dirty. Most of my role these days is spent managing four developers, dealing with customer support, and dealing with marketing and senior management.
I make sure I still allocate myself little jobs that aren’t on the critical path, so that when I am snowed under, it doesn’t impact the project as a whole, but it does mean my hands stay dirty.
I had previous experience where I was in a 100% management role with “clean hands”, and I never felt comfortable or happy. It felt very unhealthy and you quickly lose touch on how difficult/challenging programming can really be.
By David on Jun 9, 2008
My advice would be not to pine for the past, which surely had its own drawbacks anyway. Look for ways to spend your time that you enjoy, and also pay the mortgage. Don’t let what people expect you to be stop you doing what you actually enjoy.
I’m enjoying being a toolsmith. Is that what I ought to be doing with a Ph.D.? Sure!
By Matt Doar on Jun 10, 2008
The other day I was thinking that you were the only professor I’ve seen, blogging about his student projects. I attributed it to the better Canadian university system than we have here in the states where virtually all professors have become the overpaid, behind the times, “grant writers” - just what you see yourself slipping into. And thanks to the utterly destructive tenure system and peer hiring, the “grant writers” have clogged the system leaving little room for any new, fresh talent, ideas, or even those of us who have too much “practical” experience (which in truth means we just embarrass the full-time “grant writers”).
If I were fortunate enough to be in your shoes, I would try for larger “block” type grants, maybe from private corporations - ie “Google Teachers of Code”
And then use these for brand new technologies that would be fun to have your students working on. Aim to support maybe 3-5 students max so you maybe only have to get 1-2 grants per year and can simply set aside one “grant writing” month a year, with the rest of the time teaching, blogging, and presenting the new technologies around the world. But that may not be enough to get tenure - sad to say.
By John on Jun 10, 2008